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The best EBay auction of the year:

You are bidding on a rare chance to traumatize a treasured friend or relative with baffling, mind-numbing, mystery correspondence from abroad.

Here is the arrangement:

I will be spending the Christmas holiday in Poland in a tiny village that has one church with no bell because angry Germans stole it. Aside from vodka, there is not a lot for me to do.

During the course of my holiday I will send three postcards to one person of your choosing.

These postcards will be rant-ravingly insane, yet they will be peppered with unmistakable personal details about the addressee. Details you will provide me.

The postcards will not be coherently signed, leaving your mark confused, guessing wildly, crying out in anguish.

“How do I know this person? And how does he know I had a ferret named Goliath?”

Your beloved friend or relative will try in vain to figure out who it is. Best of all, it can’t possibly be you because you’ll have the perfect alibi: you’re not in Poland. You’re home, wherever that is, doing whatever it is you do when not driving your friends loopy with international prankery.

Your target will rack their brains in the shower. At dinner. During long drives. At work. On the golf course.

“Who did I tell about the time I got fired by a note on my chair?” they’ll ponder, “And where the hell is Szczeczinek?”

But wait, there’s more.

To add to the sheer confusion and genuine discomfort, one missive will be on an original promotional postcard announcing the 1995 television premiere of Central Park West on CBS.

Another will be a postcard celebrating Atlanta’s disastrous hosting of the 1996 summer Olympic games.

Your mark will be at a complete loss, desperate for answers, debating contacting people he or she hasn’t talked to in years.

“I know this will sound weird,” they’ll say, “but by any chance were you in Eastern Europe ranting about cantaloupe… twelve years ago… right before some show with Mariel Hemingway debuted?”

When you decide to end the torment is completely up to you. If you can, I recommend owning up on 1 April 2008 - giving you nearly half a year of joy and a George Clooney-esque level of prankage. If you can’t hold it in that long, I totally understand.

glumbert - Bad Day at the Office

Someone has been driving up to women in Japan and spitting coffee at them!

Fortunately he was just arrested.

Japan….. a fascinating mystery to me still.

All outdoor advertising has been banned in Sao Paulo (and storefront signage has been severely limited) as seen in this great Flickr set by Tony de Marco.

What do you think? Is a city more beautiful and vibrant without signs?

Great idea:

The rules are simple: I put the self-timer on 2 seconds, push the button and try to get as far from the camera as I can.

You’d think he would be able to run further in 2 seconds as time progressed, however.

Essential for online dating:

If I lived in Japan, I would just watch tv all day long:

How come I never knew you could hear the Wilhelm scream in all the Star Wars and Raiders movies?

I’m fairly certain I need one of these:

Did you know that these two commands are equivalent in bash?

$ cp filename filename-old
$ cp filename{,-old} 

Via SwissMiss

Hmmm - I had a dream last night that Paul Stamatiou published a book and I was holding a brand new copy.

Way too much time with NetNewsWire I think…

The man himself on the Intel sticker “controversy”:

Of course none of the Web “journalists” bothered to call and ask me, but my question had nothing to do with Apple or its computer design and all to do with a story I’m working on about the future of the long-running “Intel Inside” program. You’ll be able to see that story here and in our papers beginning Sunday.

Ralph Johnson:

The thing that is going to make Erlang big is that it is the only mature language with a rock-solid implementation and good set of libraries that lets you write software that can scale seamlessly from a single processor system to a hundred processor system. In a few years, all our desktop systems and laptops will be multiprocessors, and the only way to make our applications run faster on them is to make them use multiple processors

.

Paul Graham on Stuff:

A friend of mine cured herself of a clothes buying habit by asking herself before she bought anything “Am I going to wear this all the time?” If she couldn’t convince herself that something she was thinking of buying would become one of those few things she wore all the time, she wouldn’t buy it. I think that would work for any kind of purchase. Before you buy anything, ask yourself: will this be something I use constantly? Or is it just something nice? Or worse still, a mere bargain?

01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.

07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Re-post this if you believe love makes a marriage.

Wil Schroter:

Try replacing the world “strategy” with “I’m about to get fired.”

Here is how your new title now reads “Senior Vice President of I’m About to Get Fired”. Boy, that might not even fit on your new business card, but it won’t matter, because you won’t be around long enough to hand one out.

Fabjectory will make you a real-life 3d version of your Mii!!!

Get out.

Must…have….one….

Whoo hooo - davidpaulrobinson.com is ranked #1 by Technorati!

Think this might be a mistake? Seems all blogs are #1 today - hurry over and get your own screen shot.

All site interruption messages should be this pleasant and soothing:

You can make this door knob retract from the inside. Do Not Disturb indeed!

The walkscore where I live is 95. That’s what I’m talking about!

FitFlops are all the rage but the claims of extra muscle toning and fitness from wearing FitFlops are outrageous:

Developed by British biochemists, FitFlops are supposed to destabilize your foot as you walk, creating continuous tension in your foot and leg muscles, also leading to a faster walk that burns more calories.

Geez imagine that - walking as exercise. Wow!

Me as a Simpsons character. Make one of you

Check out the Faceball Beginners Guide and watch the video, then begin a Faceball league in your own office.

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